I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
i want to swaddle you in tequila
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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