"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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