was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
Randomize
