I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
