Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
I deserve this hangover.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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