dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
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