Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
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