I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
