Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
