Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
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