I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Randomize
