clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Randomize
