he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Randomize
