i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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