You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
Randomize
