Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Randomize
