And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Randomize
