yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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