Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
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