uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
Randomize
