There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
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