just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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