Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
I can't turn off my feet"
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
Randomize
