my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
