I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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