Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
Randomize
