he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Randomize
