i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
Randomize
