Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
