Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Randomize
