worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
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