Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
last night I used snow as a chaser
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
Randomize
