you guys were way drunker than both of me
Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
Randomize
