i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize
