Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
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