Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
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