Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
