So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
