Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Randomize