is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
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