I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Randomize
