i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Randomize
