I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
Randomize
