ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
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