Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
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