dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
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