Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Randomize
