guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
