So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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