Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
When are your genitals available?
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
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