you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize
