Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
