Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
