i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Randomize
