And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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