I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
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