dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Randomize
