honey bunches of taint.
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
Randomize
