i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
false alarm, still single
Randomize
