Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
Randomize
