Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
The Olympian is in my bed
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
Randomize
