Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
Randomize
