Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Randomize
