There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Randomize
