when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
