i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
