White coat. Heels.
Kareoke will never be a sober sport
I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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