My room smells like vodka and shame
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Randomize
