Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
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