Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
