i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
